Hello all, got week 2 in the land of plenty under my belt.
Had my first Russian lesson with a big 'ol Russian lady who looks like Santa Claus. And I'm the only student. I feel like Borat when I speak Russian. I also had my first meal at the local McDonalds. Although of course I ordered 2 Egg McMuffins and I got 2 Sausage McMuffins. Nonetheless the taste of America was simply breathtaking. There is a reason why every McDonalds is packed to the brim everywhere around the world. I also visited my first Russian public swimming pool, which consisted of crazy Russians seemingly on steroids doing Olympic size laps, wearing goggles, speedos and a one of those silly water hats, with a very masculine Russian lady with a whistle barking orders in Martian, I mean Russian. And yes, I had to wear one of those silly water hats in order to enter the pool. I was also the only without speedos, which I'm very proud of. The second best part of that experience was the fact that I had to get a physical examination from another big 'ol Russian lady before entering the pool, and the best part of the experience was the fact that I had to change and shower (mandatory) in a locker room full of naked Russians having very animated conversation. Anyone ever see Eastern Promises? Yeah, THAT scene. There was a Russian there trying to talk to me, and he spoke hardly any English and I speak hardly any Russian and watching us try to communicate was like watching a scene from Planet of the Apes.
Got a new student I'm teaching. He's the chief lawyer of the largest cell phone company in Russia. We sit and talk politics and economics at 8am, which is usually about an hour after I get to sleep. Permanent jet-lag remember? My control over the elementary class I'm teaching has now completely vanished and our classes now resemble a Federico Fellini film. The only English they practice is Darth Vader quotes, which I gladly allow.
And a word about the Russian metros. For a people who have a lot of practice standing in lines they sure aren't good at it. First of all, upon entering the metro station its a given that at least 3 out of every 4 doors will be broken or locked up, which means that there are hundreds upon hundreds of Russians trying to squeeze through one door, and everybody's in a hurry. With me right in the middle. It's like a deranged rock concert. People are pushing and shoving, then the whole crowd sways one way, then the whole crowd sways the other way, old ladies and men included, they're the most ferocious. If somebody falls in that chaos, they are a goner. Now I know what that Wal-Mart worker must've felt like right before he bought the farm.
Also just visited The Hermitage today in the Winter Palace, one of the best museums in the world. I was with a group of Russians and I had to pretend like I was Russian to get a discount, which basically just meant I had to not say a word and have my face look like I just swallowed battery acid. The place is amazing. And right at closing time, while there are still a bunch of people inside, they shut off most of the lights, and of course when that happened I was in the ancient Egypt room so I was absolutely terrified. I had to find my way back in almost complete darkness, hoping I wouldn't knock over a mummified corpse.
The weather was actually very nice this week, for Russia that is. No big snow yet.
And I saw my 3rd smile from a Russian national since I've been here. It was astonishing. It was like seeing a ghost. Smiles are a hot commodity here.
And I think I'm also starting to have Mexican withdrawals. My body does not cope well to seeing the entire staff of a McDonalds be comprised of white people. That just ain't right.
Alright thats all. Til next time.
Had my first Russian lesson with a big 'ol Russian lady who looks like Santa Claus. And I'm the only student. I feel like Borat when I speak Russian. I also had my first meal at the local McDonalds. Although of course I ordered 2 Egg McMuffins and I got 2 Sausage McMuffins. Nonetheless the taste of America was simply breathtaking. There is a reason why every McDonalds is packed to the brim everywhere around the world. I also visited my first Russian public swimming pool, which consisted of crazy Russians seemingly on steroids doing Olympic size laps, wearing goggles, speedos and a one of those silly water hats, with a very masculine Russian lady with a whistle barking orders in Martian, I mean Russian. And yes, I had to wear one of those silly water hats in order to enter the pool. I was also the only without speedos, which I'm very proud of. The second best part of that experience was the fact that I had to get a physical examination from another big 'ol Russian lady before entering the pool, and the best part of the experience was the fact that I had to change and shower (mandatory) in a locker room full of naked Russians having very animated conversation. Anyone ever see Eastern Promises? Yeah, THAT scene. There was a Russian there trying to talk to me, and he spoke hardly any English and I speak hardly any Russian and watching us try to communicate was like watching a scene from Planet of the Apes.
Got a new student I'm teaching. He's the chief lawyer of the largest cell phone company in Russia. We sit and talk politics and economics at 8am, which is usually about an hour after I get to sleep. Permanent jet-lag remember? My control over the elementary class I'm teaching has now completely vanished and our classes now resemble a Federico Fellini film. The only English they practice is Darth Vader quotes, which I gladly allow.
And a word about the Russian metros. For a people who have a lot of practice standing in lines they sure aren't good at it. First of all, upon entering the metro station its a given that at least 3 out of every 4 doors will be broken or locked up, which means that there are hundreds upon hundreds of Russians trying to squeeze through one door, and everybody's in a hurry. With me right in the middle. It's like a deranged rock concert. People are pushing and shoving, then the whole crowd sways one way, then the whole crowd sways the other way, old ladies and men included, they're the most ferocious. If somebody falls in that chaos, they are a goner. Now I know what that Wal-Mart worker must've felt like right before he bought the farm.
Also just visited The Hermitage today in the Winter Palace, one of the best museums in the world. I was with a group of Russians and I had to pretend like I was Russian to get a discount, which basically just meant I had to not say a word and have my face look like I just swallowed battery acid. The place is amazing. And right at closing time, while there are still a bunch of people inside, they shut off most of the lights, and of course when that happened I was in the ancient Egypt room so I was absolutely terrified. I had to find my way back in almost complete darkness, hoping I wouldn't knock over a mummified corpse.
The weather was actually very nice this week, for Russia that is. No big snow yet.
And I saw my 3rd smile from a Russian national since I've been here. It was astonishing. It was like seeing a ghost. Smiles are a hot commodity here.
And I think I'm also starting to have Mexican withdrawals. My body does not cope well to seeing the entire staff of a McDonalds be comprised of white people. That just ain't right.
Alright thats all. Til next time.
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