Well hello friends, been a while eh? Maybe too long. To catch up this'll be a long one. So starting at the beginning since last time:
December 1st, the first day of winter is here in the north of Mother Russia. And actually for St. Pete the weather is tolerable. And by tolerable I mean around 40 degrees. Let me tell you that 40 degrees feels like Bora Bora at this time of year. Global warming is here folks run for your lives! Not too much snow yet either. My big, obnoxiously heavy, furry winter coat is still hanging on the coat rack where it belongs and my big clodhopper winter shoes are still snug underneath my bed, where I'm guessing it serves as a little house for the mouse I swear is doing something under there. Probably starting a family. On that same subject there is a rotten watermelon in our kitchen which has been sitting on the floor for at least 5 weeks and has now turned into something resembling a hatched Alien pod. Maybe thats whats underneath my bed. I'm having visions of John Hurt right now.
Anyway so whats been happening? Well I was in Paris for a week with the girlfriend, her 2 girlfriends, and their 3 respective children, 2 girls and a boy, all 6 years old. We all shared the same flat. Sound exhausting? Something bordering on the outskirts of hell? Well it wasn't that bad but now I know what its like to take whiny children on vacation. No thanks Dr. John. We did go to Euro Disneyland though which was hilarious. Only because every Disney character speaks French, which is hilarious. Buzz Lightyear was the funniest, "To Infinity and Beyond" just doesn't sound as cool in French. We also visited a waterpark in which I was forced, yes forced, to wear Speedos instead of my swim trunks. Yes I had to buy Speedos, put them on, and walk out into public. In Speedos. Oh horror of horrors. It was like Apocalypse Now except no Dennis Hopper.
What else? I had my birthday on Dec. 14th. Some of my classes were kind enough to get me gifts. Besides the obligatory coffee mugs and men bathroom stuff, one class got me a bottle of vodka, a jar of pickles, a can of herring, and bread. Either a traditional vodka snack or they're worried I'm not eating enough. And another one of my classes actually made me something. Yes, put time and effort into silkscreening me a T-shirt. In this particular class I say "Crystal Clear" a lot. As in "is that understood? Is that clear? Is that crystal clear?" So, bless them, they made me shirt with a bunch of crystals on it which said Crystal Clear? I've decided that Crystal Clear? is the new Got Milk?
So then I went home for a week for Xmas, after missing a couple flights and spending the night in indiscriminate airports of course. When I left St. Pete everything was normal, it was snowing but just normally, nothing to write home about. But when I returned after my week in the States I was shocked and awed into discovering the place had mutated into a veritable Matterhorn of snow (including that still-extremely-scary snow monster). No seriously, the city was covered in mountains of snow. It was amazing. I then learned that during the week I was gone, St. Pete experienced its worst snow in 130 years!! Yes, 130 years!! The last time it snowed like this there was this strange and possibly devilish thing called "electricity" forcing its ways into the traditional lifestyle of everyday people. The Soviets never saw snow like this. So to sum up, there's a lot of snow everywhere. A friend gave me present of a scarf, which is about 10 feet long, and after wrapping it around my neck about 6 times I look like the Michelin Man (you know that tire guy). The trees have taken on a fantasy-like white color and its really beautiful here right now. Winter wonderland. And everybody has jolly red noses.
And then New Years happened here. If you all remember from last year New Years here is like Xmas and New Years wrapped into one mega-holiday. New Years is the day that Santa comes and presents are exchanged. Except they don't call him Santa Claus here they call him "Grandfather Frost". And he wears a long red robe (sometimes blue), and sometimes even carries a long scepter, which I want. He also has a granddaughter which I think is just plain wrong. I know that Santa has a Mrs. Claus but the thought of them producing children is just way beyond my already vivid imagination. So I spent New Years with the girlfriend, her sister, her sisters boyfriend, and the daughter. The boyfriend brought a bottle of whiskey along, which we both finished, which was hilarious. I was feeling no pain when my girlfriend informed me we would be visiting her fathers house. I had never met her father before and all that whiskey I drank had suddenly seemed to be a bad idea. But it was okay because when we got there her father was drunk too, and had a big old thick mustache which I coldn't help but admire. I forgot it was New Years and if anybody wasn't drunk it was because....well there was no reason for anybody not to be drunk. This is Russia folks. People drink. So me and her father had a merry time. He knew about 5 completely scattered English words and he spoke those to me all throughout the night, no matter what the topic of conversation was. He was also extremely pleased to offer me an Israeli cigarette. It was like a Japanese tea ceremony when he gave it to me. This is Russia folks. People smoke. So then I woke up the next morning with a bad headache (caused by what I dont know) and found that my girlfriend had gone to work (when she works its for a 24 hr period) and I was in charge of babysitting her sick child all day and night. Happy New Years Dave!
All of Russia shuts down for the first 10 days of January. I'm guessing to give everyone enough time to recuperate. Nobody works, nobody goes to school, everybody just freezes their ass off in the streets with a constant alcoholic beverage in their heavily-mittened hands. My roommates were all gone, I had the place to myself, and the internet was down for the whole week. Hell on earth? Yes. The antichrist is here and he's unplugging everyones internet. By the way Russian landlords are not efficient people. Just had to get that off my chest. Actually everytime we go to pay rent we have to give it to this strange bald man who is either in a bathrobe or in head-to-toe leather biker gear. It's genuinely scary. Then we have to call 5 or 6 times the next week to remind him to turn on the internet. The antichrist is here and he's dressed in bathrobes or head-to-toe leather biker gear. And he has no hair. And speaks Russian. And is our landlord. My God.
But now its back to work teaching classes. The weather has improved a little but you never know what the next day will bring. It'll either be just plain cold or....the worst snow in over 130 years. One of those two. When I told my classes I was in Los Angeles for a week everyone was shocked to hear that I was a little disappointed that it was about 60 degrees. Most Russians would sell their next of kin into slavery for constant 60 degree weather. They are also always interested in the types of questions I get and the attitudes Americans have about Russia. Most Russians think that Americans think that there are vodka-drinking bears walking down the main streets of Russian cities. Which I for one, wish was true. I tell them that except for almost everything, America and Russia are a lot alike. Just people dealing with their problems the best way they know how. The difference being Russians just have so many more problems. The main one being they live in Russia. But come on I make it sound worse than it actually is. Weird as it may sound I kinda like it here. (Usually) Friendly, sad, deep, hospitable, no-nonsense people with a history of alcoholism who like to eat, drink, innertube down mountains, wear dark clothes, play strange musical instruments and go on vacation. Russia. Crystal Clear.
Til next time.
December 1st, the first day of winter is here in the north of Mother Russia. And actually for St. Pete the weather is tolerable. And by tolerable I mean around 40 degrees. Let me tell you that 40 degrees feels like Bora Bora at this time of year. Global warming is here folks run for your lives! Not too much snow yet either. My big, obnoxiously heavy, furry winter coat is still hanging on the coat rack where it belongs and my big clodhopper winter shoes are still snug underneath my bed, where I'm guessing it serves as a little house for the mouse I swear is doing something under there. Probably starting a family. On that same subject there is a rotten watermelon in our kitchen which has been sitting on the floor for at least 5 weeks and has now turned into something resembling a hatched Alien pod. Maybe thats whats underneath my bed. I'm having visions of John Hurt right now.
Anyway so whats been happening? Well I was in Paris for a week with the girlfriend, her 2 girlfriends, and their 3 respective children, 2 girls and a boy, all 6 years old. We all shared the same flat. Sound exhausting? Something bordering on the outskirts of hell? Well it wasn't that bad but now I know what its like to take whiny children on vacation. No thanks Dr. John. We did go to Euro Disneyland though which was hilarious. Only because every Disney character speaks French, which is hilarious. Buzz Lightyear was the funniest, "To Infinity and Beyond" just doesn't sound as cool in French. We also visited a waterpark in which I was forced, yes forced, to wear Speedos instead of my swim trunks. Yes I had to buy Speedos, put them on, and walk out into public. In Speedos. Oh horror of horrors. It was like Apocalypse Now except no Dennis Hopper.
What else? I had my birthday on Dec. 14th. Some of my classes were kind enough to get me gifts. Besides the obligatory coffee mugs and men bathroom stuff, one class got me a bottle of vodka, a jar of pickles, a can of herring, and bread. Either a traditional vodka snack or they're worried I'm not eating enough. And another one of my classes actually made me something. Yes, put time and effort into silkscreening me a T-shirt. In this particular class I say "Crystal Clear" a lot. As in "is that understood? Is that clear? Is that crystal clear?" So, bless them, they made me shirt with a bunch of crystals on it which said Crystal Clear? I've decided that Crystal Clear? is the new Got Milk?
So then I went home for a week for Xmas, after missing a couple flights and spending the night in indiscriminate airports of course. When I left St. Pete everything was normal, it was snowing but just normally, nothing to write home about. But when I returned after my week in the States I was shocked and awed into discovering the place had mutated into a veritable Matterhorn of snow (including that still-extremely-scary snow monster). No seriously, the city was covered in mountains of snow. It was amazing. I then learned that during the week I was gone, St. Pete experienced its worst snow in 130 years!! Yes, 130 years!! The last time it snowed like this there was this strange and possibly devilish thing called "electricity" forcing its ways into the traditional lifestyle of everyday people. The Soviets never saw snow like this. So to sum up, there's a lot of snow everywhere. A friend gave me present of a scarf, which is about 10 feet long, and after wrapping it around my neck about 6 times I look like the Michelin Man (you know that tire guy). The trees have taken on a fantasy-like white color and its really beautiful here right now. Winter wonderland. And everybody has jolly red noses.
And then New Years happened here. If you all remember from last year New Years here is like Xmas and New Years wrapped into one mega-holiday. New Years is the day that Santa comes and presents are exchanged. Except they don't call him Santa Claus here they call him "Grandfather Frost". And he wears a long red robe (sometimes blue), and sometimes even carries a long scepter, which I want. He also has a granddaughter which I think is just plain wrong. I know that Santa has a Mrs. Claus but the thought of them producing children is just way beyond my already vivid imagination. So I spent New Years with the girlfriend, her sister, her sisters boyfriend, and the daughter. The boyfriend brought a bottle of whiskey along, which we both finished, which was hilarious. I was feeling no pain when my girlfriend informed me we would be visiting her fathers house. I had never met her father before and all that whiskey I drank had suddenly seemed to be a bad idea. But it was okay because when we got there her father was drunk too, and had a big old thick mustache which I coldn't help but admire. I forgot it was New Years and if anybody wasn't drunk it was because....well there was no reason for anybody not to be drunk. This is Russia folks. People drink. So me and her father had a merry time. He knew about 5 completely scattered English words and he spoke those to me all throughout the night, no matter what the topic of conversation was. He was also extremely pleased to offer me an Israeli cigarette. It was like a Japanese tea ceremony when he gave it to me. This is Russia folks. People smoke. So then I woke up the next morning with a bad headache (caused by what I dont know) and found that my girlfriend had gone to work (when she works its for a 24 hr period) and I was in charge of babysitting her sick child all day and night. Happy New Years Dave!
All of Russia shuts down for the first 10 days of January. I'm guessing to give everyone enough time to recuperate. Nobody works, nobody goes to school, everybody just freezes their ass off in the streets with a constant alcoholic beverage in their heavily-mittened hands. My roommates were all gone, I had the place to myself, and the internet was down for the whole week. Hell on earth? Yes. The antichrist is here and he's unplugging everyones internet. By the way Russian landlords are not efficient people. Just had to get that off my chest. Actually everytime we go to pay rent we have to give it to this strange bald man who is either in a bathrobe or in head-to-toe leather biker gear. It's genuinely scary. Then we have to call 5 or 6 times the next week to remind him to turn on the internet. The antichrist is here and he's dressed in bathrobes or head-to-toe leather biker gear. And he has no hair. And speaks Russian. And is our landlord. My God.
But now its back to work teaching classes. The weather has improved a little but you never know what the next day will bring. It'll either be just plain cold or....the worst snow in over 130 years. One of those two. When I told my classes I was in Los Angeles for a week everyone was shocked to hear that I was a little disappointed that it was about 60 degrees. Most Russians would sell their next of kin into slavery for constant 60 degree weather. They are also always interested in the types of questions I get and the attitudes Americans have about Russia. Most Russians think that Americans think that there are vodka-drinking bears walking down the main streets of Russian cities. Which I for one, wish was true. I tell them that except for almost everything, America and Russia are a lot alike. Just people dealing with their problems the best way they know how. The difference being Russians just have so many more problems. The main one being they live in Russia. But come on I make it sound worse than it actually is. Weird as it may sound I kinda like it here. (Usually) Friendly, sad, deep, hospitable, no-nonsense people with a history of alcoholism who like to eat, drink, innertube down mountains, wear dark clothes, play strange musical instruments and go on vacation. Russia. Crystal Clear.
Til next time.
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