Well, well, well, somebody decided to return to Russia of their own free will. That's right. My contract was up, everything was in order, no obligations, no dictator forcing me to build an enormous gas pipeline, no nothing. And I decided to come back to brave another frozen 5 month Russian winter. Remember all those winter stories? Remember spending 45 minutes to get ready to walk 20 feet to the market? Well I'm gonna do it again. Good thing I didn't get ride of my whopper furry jacket. That thing's a whopper. But my girlfriend just informed me that I look like the Russian equivalent of a wife beating trailer inhabitant when I wear it. They call those type of people "gasterbaters" here. Yeah that's right...gasterbaters. Which is now my new favorite word in ANY language.
I moved into a new apartment which overlooks one of the main, and probably busiest, squares of the city. It's like the Times Square of St. Petersburg. I fall asleep by guessing which color will reflect on my wall from the giant TV screen across the square from my window. This is heavy downtown where you can find all the people with big jackets and when they open them up they have watches for sale. Whatever happened to those people? The answer is they moved to Russia. More specifically 500 yards from where I go to sleep at night. No thanks I already have my fake gold watch which everybody thinks is real and I gladly let them beleive it. My apartment's nice and big though and I'm liking it so far. I live with one of my former students named Sergey and then we found a girl from the internet to live with us and now Sergey and aforementioned girl don't find it necessary to sleep in seperate rooms. It's Russia after all they need to conserve space. I have a nice big sofa bed covered in flower-design blankets and giant flower-design pillows. Bougainvillas anyone? I also have a TV in my room which oddly enough only plays shows in Russian. I never thought the show Scrubs was funny... until I watched it in Russian that is. Our refridgerater broke (it's Russia), we put in a request to get it fixed three weeks ago (it's Russia) and the fridge is still broke (it's Russia). Which reminds me of a popular Russian joke: someone buys a car but the dealer says he can't pick it up for five years to the day from when he buys it. Five years the guy asks? Why? Well, the dealer said, there's a lot that goes into selling somebody a car and we're already backed up as it is. Okay the guy says, then remembering something he asks, but what time five years from today? What does it matter the dealer asks, it's five years from now. Because, the man answers, the plumber's coming in the morning! Haha, that's just a great one. But the fridge situation is actually okay with me cause now when my roommates make deliciously aromatic food they can't save it so by default I have to eat it when they sleep. Give me potatoes!
My second round of classes have begun and I've learned that as long as you make the people laugh in class, you can pretty much teach them whatever you want and it's all good. I think I want to start a new class "How to Speak Like Forrest Gump". By the way Forrest Gump is an enormously popular movie over here, as is Harley Davidson and The Marlboro Man starring Mickey Rourke and the great Don Johnson. I've also wisened up and acquired some private students who come to my flat for lessons aka no pressure at all. I'm learning more Russian now and everybody tells me I have great pronunciation. If you've seen Rounders 15 times you'd have great Russian pronunciation as well. God Bless John Malkovich. The girlfriend is doing good, as long as she fills my belly with borsch everything's good. We're taking her daughter to a Russian water park not unlike Wild Rivers in the next couple days. That should be a hilarious experience. Watching Russians at a water park that is. 8 words: Russian men with weird looking bodies in Speedos.
Alright thats all for now. Autumn is here and all the trees are changing colors to a beautiful orange and red. I feel sorry for the poor bastard who has to rake them all up. Talk to you soon.
I moved into a new apartment which overlooks one of the main, and probably busiest, squares of the city. It's like the Times Square of St. Petersburg. I fall asleep by guessing which color will reflect on my wall from the giant TV screen across the square from my window. This is heavy downtown where you can find all the people with big jackets and when they open them up they have watches for sale. Whatever happened to those people? The answer is they moved to Russia. More specifically 500 yards from where I go to sleep at night. No thanks I already have my fake gold watch which everybody thinks is real and I gladly let them beleive it. My apartment's nice and big though and I'm liking it so far. I live with one of my former students named Sergey and then we found a girl from the internet to live with us and now Sergey and aforementioned girl don't find it necessary to sleep in seperate rooms. It's Russia after all they need to conserve space. I have a nice big sofa bed covered in flower-design blankets and giant flower-design pillows. Bougainvillas anyone? I also have a TV in my room which oddly enough only plays shows in Russian. I never thought the show Scrubs was funny... until I watched it in Russian that is. Our refridgerater broke (it's Russia), we put in a request to get it fixed three weeks ago (it's Russia) and the fridge is still broke (it's Russia). Which reminds me of a popular Russian joke: someone buys a car but the dealer says he can't pick it up for five years to the day from when he buys it. Five years the guy asks? Why? Well, the dealer said, there's a lot that goes into selling somebody a car and we're already backed up as it is. Okay the guy says, then remembering something he asks, but what time five years from today? What does it matter the dealer asks, it's five years from now. Because, the man answers, the plumber's coming in the morning! Haha, that's just a great one. But the fridge situation is actually okay with me cause now when my roommates make deliciously aromatic food they can't save it so by default I have to eat it when they sleep. Give me potatoes!
My second round of classes have begun and I've learned that as long as you make the people laugh in class, you can pretty much teach them whatever you want and it's all good. I think I want to start a new class "How to Speak Like Forrest Gump". By the way Forrest Gump is an enormously popular movie over here, as is Harley Davidson and The Marlboro Man starring Mickey Rourke and the great Don Johnson. I've also wisened up and acquired some private students who come to my flat for lessons aka no pressure at all. I'm learning more Russian now and everybody tells me I have great pronunciation. If you've seen Rounders 15 times you'd have great Russian pronunciation as well. God Bless John Malkovich. The girlfriend is doing good, as long as she fills my belly with borsch everything's good. We're taking her daughter to a Russian water park not unlike Wild Rivers in the next couple days. That should be a hilarious experience. Watching Russians at a water park that is. 8 words: Russian men with weird looking bodies in Speedos.
Alright thats all for now. Autumn is here and all the trees are changing colors to a beautiful orange and red. I feel sorry for the poor bastard who has to rake them all up. Talk to you soon.
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