Hello all, back again. Its been 9 months now in Old Mother Russia, though its felt like its been about 10.
Just got back from my first trip to Moscow, the heart of the evil empire. Just flew there in the morning and flew back at night. I felt glorious and downright powerful standing in Red Square and the Kremlin. All that was missing was an AK-47 in my hands and a horde of dysfunctional inter-continental ballistic missiles. I saw the cryogenically intact body of one Vladimir Lenin. First of all there's a line practically extending to St. Petersburg waiting to see it, and second of all, it stunk. Not like it was stinky but that it was not that great. There was just a little yellow plastic-wax looking man in a glass box. 10 seconds and its over and you're just like "and what?" Lenin stunk. The real pleasure was just standing in red square amidst communist icons galore. They loved their communism there. Hammers and sickles everywhere. That big onion-dome church which everybody associates with Moscow (and Tetris) is amazing. I couldn't get enough of it. It really is a spectacular view. Also went to a museum devoted to a single battle in 1812 during Napoleons russian campaign which featured a 50' panoramic painting of the battle. Needless to say I was in heaven. The center of Moscow really is impressive, its probably one of my favorite city centers I've been to. But once you get out of the center you're just in a boring, industrial workers "paradise". Plain buildings and grumbling people. Probably cause they're working. Former communists love to work. And the customer is never right. Come to think of it the worker is never right either. Thats something about Russia - the worker AND the customer are never right. Another thing about Russia - frequent unpleasant surprises. But everyone learns to deal with it and expect it and you learn not to get upset when plans go awry - just take a shot of vodka and keep on keepin' on.
Before I forget I just want to say that I really miss Kraft Macaroni n Cheese. OK I said it.
I've been going to my girlfriends dacha a lot recently. For those of you who aren't Russian pretty much every Russian family has a "dacha" out in the country which is basically their equivalent of a summer house, the only difference is instead of a nice house near the beach, its a shitty house in the forest. Its actually a nice area near a pristine lake with a little beach and great water to swim in, but its still a shitty house. 2 words: No Plumbing. Yes, you have to drive 10 minutes to the communal showers (I passed on that attractive option), walk 3 minutes to the communal sinks and walk another 5 minutes to the communal outhouse - which was one of the worst experiences of my life. Just a big wood box with a hole - kind of like the beginning of Slumdog Millionaire. Still it was comforting to see the same English doodles and phrases you see in any public restroom in America. My favorite is always the one that says "What are u lookin' at?" on the wall right in your line of vision. You also have to pass by the most ferocious guard dog in history to get there. It's like a mini version of The Odyssey. And don't get me started on the mosquitoes. But again, the Russians like it, learn to deal with it, and have a great time while they're there. Just take a shot of vodka, eat 'til you explode, and keep on keepin' on.
Alright thats all folks, I'm coming back to the States this Thursday for 10 days.
Til next time, whenever that may be,
Just got back from my first trip to Moscow, the heart of the evil empire. Just flew there in the morning and flew back at night. I felt glorious and downright powerful standing in Red Square and the Kremlin. All that was missing was an AK-47 in my hands and a horde of dysfunctional inter-continental ballistic missiles. I saw the cryogenically intact body of one Vladimir Lenin. First of all there's a line practically extending to St. Petersburg waiting to see it, and second of all, it stunk. Not like it was stinky but that it was not that great. There was just a little yellow plastic-wax looking man in a glass box. 10 seconds and its over and you're just like "and what?" Lenin stunk. The real pleasure was just standing in red square amidst communist icons galore. They loved their communism there. Hammers and sickles everywhere. That big onion-dome church which everybody associates with Moscow (and Tetris) is amazing. I couldn't get enough of it. It really is a spectacular view. Also went to a museum devoted to a single battle in 1812 during Napoleons russian campaign which featured a 50' panoramic painting of the battle. Needless to say I was in heaven. The center of Moscow really is impressive, its probably one of my favorite city centers I've been to. But once you get out of the center you're just in a boring, industrial workers "paradise". Plain buildings and grumbling people. Probably cause they're working. Former communists love to work. And the customer is never right. Come to think of it the worker is never right either. Thats something about Russia - the worker AND the customer are never right. Another thing about Russia - frequent unpleasant surprises. But everyone learns to deal with it and expect it and you learn not to get upset when plans go awry - just take a shot of vodka and keep on keepin' on.
Before I forget I just want to say that I really miss Kraft Macaroni n Cheese. OK I said it.
I've been going to my girlfriends dacha a lot recently. For those of you who aren't Russian pretty much every Russian family has a "dacha" out in the country which is basically their equivalent of a summer house, the only difference is instead of a nice house near the beach, its a shitty house in the forest. Its actually a nice area near a pristine lake with a little beach and great water to swim in, but its still a shitty house. 2 words: No Plumbing. Yes, you have to drive 10 minutes to the communal showers (I passed on that attractive option), walk 3 minutes to the communal sinks and walk another 5 minutes to the communal outhouse - which was one of the worst experiences of my life. Just a big wood box with a hole - kind of like the beginning of Slumdog Millionaire. Still it was comforting to see the same English doodles and phrases you see in any public restroom in America. My favorite is always the one that says "What are u lookin' at?" on the wall right in your line of vision. You also have to pass by the most ferocious guard dog in history to get there. It's like a mini version of The Odyssey. And don't get me started on the mosquitoes. But again, the Russians like it, learn to deal with it, and have a great time while they're there. Just take a shot of vodka, eat 'til you explode, and keep on keepin' on.
Alright thats all folks, I'm coming back to the States this Thursday for 10 days.
Til next time, whenever that may be,
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